Guilty Pleasure: Batman Returns

I racked my brain about this one for a while. Are there in fact any movies I feel guilty for taking pleasure in watching? On first thought, I couldn’t come up with anyno matter how hard I tried. This led to slightly more paranoid thoughts: “Do I not feel guilt? Am I actually a sociopath?!?”

Movie theater psychology aside, I scanned my mental movie rolodex for the usual suspects: any action movie starring Stallone in the mid-90s, Reagan-era horror movies (i.e. anything with Halloween, Nightmare or Friday in the title), Ethnic Family Comedies and anything starring a former SNL-er based on a former SNL skit. Nothing jumped out at me as a contender.
Batman Returns – Trailer 

After further deliberation, I finally landed on Batman Returns. As a comic fan and a bloggerweird, right?), Batman Returns is infuriating: CATWOMAN IS NOT A SUPERNATURAL ENTITY! But as a movie lover, I admit itI just can’t get enough.  Here’s why.
First off, it’s a great Christmas movie that simply does not get enough credit for making the season bright (see also: Hard, Die and Weapon, Lethal). Secondly and for obvious reasons, Michelle Pfeiffer’s performance as Catwoman is a seminal cornerstone for all men who were 11 – 16 in 1992. Lastly, it’s a throwback to a forgotten, simpler time, when Batman spoke in a normal voice and wasn’t so mad all the time.
Now, let’s be clear: this is probably not the movie that Tim Burton is going to want to be remembered for 50 years from now when the world finally realizes he’s really a vampire. But how could you not rank this movie among the guiltiest of pleasures? It’s got Christopher Walken at his absolute Walken-est,  (in fact, I think this is the movie that turned Christopher Walken from a person into an adverb), Danny DeVito absolutely devouring scenery, a Pee-Wee Herman cameo, and cat puns galore.
So, despite the fact that this exchange is absolutely baffling:
“Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.”
“But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it.”
You’ll hear me say it, minimally, 10 times every holiday season. 
– Eddie Mouradian

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